we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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