So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
