I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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