Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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