somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
