I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
