I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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