That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize