Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize