Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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