So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
