I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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