It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
