when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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