Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
