More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
