He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
