So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
