you didnt know i had herpes?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
