I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
