My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I color on your dick again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
