Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
