i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
