So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
where am i from again
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
