Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Alive.
So much puke
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
