she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
