he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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