I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
