OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
