I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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