did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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