Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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