Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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