Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
