I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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