I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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