so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
