Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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