I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
