How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is Oprah even human
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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