All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
