Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
