he shaved USA in his pubs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I die, sorry about rent.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
