the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize