Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
