I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
