He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize