you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
