marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
