This house was built for laser tag.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
