so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
