i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
