Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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