The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
MIDGETS
????
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
