I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
