That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Everything about him screamed your future.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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