Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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