the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize