I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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