you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
