I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize