my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
