the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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