I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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