i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
