its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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