I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
