Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Floor bacon is actually really good
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
