Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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