Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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