I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
