Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
